The Secret Life of Bees (2002) by Sue Monk Kidd

Author:Sue Monk Kidd
Format: epub
Published: 2002-06-17T16:00:00+00:00

I read the letter back, then tore it into tiny pieces. I felt relief to get all that out of my system, but I had lied about it bringing me joy. I almost wanted to write another letter that I would not send and say I’m sorry. That night, when the pink house was sound asleep, I came creeping in, needing the bathroom. I never worried about finding my way through the house, as August left a trail of night-lights on from the kitchen to the bathroom. I had come barefoot, collecting dew on the soles of my feet. Sitting on the toilet, trying to pee very quietly, I could see crepe myrtle petals stuck to nay toes. Over my head, Rosaleen’s snores sifted through the ceiling. It is always a relief to empty your bladder. Better than sex, that’s what Rosaleen said. As good as it felt, though, I sincerely hoped she was wrong. I headed toward the kitchen, but then something made me turn around; your guess is as good as mine. I walked in the opposite direction to the parlor. Stepping inside, I heard a sigh so deep and satisfying that for a moment I didn’t realize it had come from my own lungs. The candle in the red glass beside the Mary statue still burned, looking like a tiny red heart in a cave of darkness, pulsing out light to the world. August kept it going night and day. It reminded me of the eternal flame they’d put on John F Kennedy’s grave that will never go out no matter what. Our Lady of Chains looked so different late at night, her face older and darker, her fist bigger than I remembered. I wondered about all the places she’d traveled out there on the waters of the world, all the sad things that had been whispered to her, the things she’d endured. Sometimes, after we’d done our prayers with the beads, I could not remember how to cross myself right, getting it mixed up like you would expect any Baptist-raised person to do. Whenever that happened, I just put my hand over my heart like we did in school for the Pledge of Allegiance. I felt one was as good as another, and that’s what happened now—my hand just went automatically to my heart and stayed there. I told her, Fix me, please—fix me. Help me know what to do. Forgive me. Is my mother all right up there with God? Don’t let them find us. If they find us, don’t let them take me back. If they find us, keep Rosaleen from being killed. Let June love me. Let T. Ray love me. Help me stop lying. Make the world better. Take the meanness out of people’s hearts. I moved closer, so now I could see the heart on her chest. In my mind I heard the bees fanning their wings down in the dark music box. I saw August and me with our ears against the hive.

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